BOHICA

Sometimes I really wonder what the hell happened to the world. Okay, okay, maybe it's not the world that's been changing lately but myself. When the slightest little thing makes me think of drowning puppies. Seriously. Have you been in the position of ever fucking hating the sun for rising in the morning? When sleep cannot cover enough hours in the day even when you sleep more than 10 hours at a time, the conclusion to be drawn is that you're perpetually FUCKED.

Nothing's the same, everything keeps changing and life sucks major monkey balls, yeah-yeah, life's a bitch, buy a pen. When your best friend seems like a stranger and nothing looks the same around the world, I think it's time for a new life decision: say... a little afternoon coma? Yeah... sounds delightful!

Ok so right about now, you're thinking "Oh she got screwed and now she'll sit here and bitch and moan about it to me, someone who has other better shit to be doing" Well... yes. Bingo. I feel like maybe I should pour myself a glass of wine, before I begin my ranting [to seem like an actual columnist] but I gave blood yesterday and I shouldn't have any alcohol in my blood stream, but alas I digress.

I'm not really sure what the fuck brought this on, but I miss the days when everything was simple. Nothing was extremely complicated and people didn't come with a full list of disorders ans guess what: their personal pharmacies. Now the average person comes equipped with Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, Phobias, PTSD, Night Terrors, Schizophrenia, Dyslexia, and my new favorite one is Bi Polar Disorders. If you're REALLY lucky said person can have ALL of the above mentioned, then you really know you have a winner. Humor me, and lets go through these together.

Depression: Well in the ol' days (say.... 10 years ago) depression wasn't spread around like the flu. You had the blues, you got the hell over them. No... now you see 4 therapists, take Prozac, Paxil (head's up it has hooooorrible sideffects) , Xanax, Lexapro, Abilify, Cymbalta, and many many more pills to make the people uuuuuuuuuuuuuuber happy.

If that doesn't get you out of bed in the morning, maybe Anxiety will. These days people have Social anxiety disorders, obsessive compulsive disorders, separation anxiety, closeness anxiety, sleep anxiety, driving anxiety, anxiety to get out of bed in the fucking morning in the fear that hell a large Wiely Coyote anvil will drop from the ceiling and drop on said person's fucking head thus revealing the world of one more fear driven person who somehow is supposed to do well in society. HA!

Insomnia is my newest best friend. Who would consider that drinking 12 packs of sodas a day, a variety of energy drinks, and about 16 cups of coffee and 3 gallons of chocolate A DAY would ever cause the body to overdose on caffeine and NOT power off for sleep. Hmmmm.... Man, we really need doctors to explain it all for us...

Phobias, PTSD, Night Terrors, Schizophrenia ... I'm not even gonna go into that.

Dyslexia. Oh yes. My child CANNOT spell correctly or read as well as other kids, but nooooo he's not stupid or slow... no... he's... he's... he's.... uh.... DYSLEXIC! Yes! I got it! Right. Give me a break.

Last, but by far not least, Bi Polar Disorder! A.K.A MOOD SWINGS. It's basically JUST an excuse to be a complete jackass/bitch/asshole [ why not say it like it is, it's my blogg ] to whomever the hell you please whenever the hell you please and STILL have an excuse. Yeah. Ok. NO ONE treats me like a psycho chicken on fucking crack and gets to talk to me again. Sorry. Fix the chemicals in your head with... chocolate.... yes. Chocolate makes the wooorld go round.

Life sucks and everyone's special. No losers only winners, no normal weights, but anorexic fucks with more eating disorders than pounds and brain cells. Oopsie, have I gone too far? When is it time to get over ourselves and take responsibility for our actions and grow a pair? Hm?

OH! And just when you think it's over and you canot POSSIBLY be fucked anymore.... nah.... Bend Over. Here It Comes Again!